Epiphany


It was true. I was in love with her and there was nothing I could do about it. I was helpless in my feeling – helpless because I knew no matter how hard I tried I would not stop loving her.

I put down my book – it held no interest to me at that point; I couldn’t fool myself any longer – she was the thing I wanted most in the world.

The second thing I wanted most in the world was across the room and I went to it – grabbing a pencil so I could use it. My bed was the location as to where I would hold my mental freak out session. And I wrote in my journal.

I was in love with Laura Abbott – but it would be a while before she figured it out. And I knew she would figure it out. I knew someday we would be happy together. But I also knew that there was a large road block in our way – and her name was Katrina.

Katrina – the one that Laura had been in love with the most, the one that was obscuring me from Laura’s view – the one that was crushing my world. She was in my way of having the one thing that was right. The one thing that I knew was supposed to be – I had never been more sure of anything in my life…And she had her. She had her…And I didn’t. She didn’t deserve her. I didn’t either – but I knew I was meant to have her - for us to belong to each other – because we were two parts of one whole. And Katrina had my other half. My other half. Mine.

I scribbled my thoughts onto the notebook – with the feeling of “yes this one’s the one” sinking into me. But also with the feeling “the one that is – is not mine” tainting that joyous feeling  – turning it into a black feeling…a lost feeling.

I was lost.

My heart pulled me toward the wonderful girl I had just fallen for – but I knew that something else was stealing her away, even though she pulled toward me as well…Or that she would.

I was drowning in the feeling on hopelessness – but still through the murky waters my heart burned. It burned with an aching passion.

This girl had stolen my heart and she didn’t know it. She had it in her hands – but it was invisible to her unseeing eyes.

Tears flowed out of my eyes as I realized that I was prepared to wait for her – even if it would be years before I could claim her as the other half to my soul.